When Happiness is Taken Hostage

I'm not going to take time to explain myself. I just need to put these thoughts to rest.    

    Lately I've been second guessing myself. I'm constantly wondering if I'm doing the right thing to reach an ultimate goal. What if I've taken the completely wrong approach. What if I'm not even supposed to be where I am now? I can't remember the last time I was able to relax and not have my mind racing over a thousand miles an hour. I've been keeping my thoughts and worries to myself and when I finally can't take it anymore, everything falls apart and I cry myself to sleep. Which I haven't been getting the best of by the way. I grind my teeth at night and I wake up with stiffness in my shoulders. I've snapped at my boyfriend more than I care to admit, and the worst part is that he's grown to accept it. He says he understands that I'm going through some things I need to work out.

But why is it that I've allowed these mole hills to become mountains? Two or three years ago you would think I was a completely different person. Some people say that university has changed me. For some reason I've refused to believe that I'm "weak enough" to let a little stress turn me into a depressed vegetable. I can't remember the last time I painted purely for pleasure. I can't remember the last time it was that I actually had faith in my skills and talents. I used to be someone who took life as it came. I didn't dwell on the past. I wasn't anxious about the future. These days I find it difficult to even introduce myself to someone without getting a panic attack. My chest hurts often, and there's very little oxygen in my lungs. I'm slowly allowing myself to pick my esteem like a dried scab.
It's not supposed to be this way, life. I'm supposed to be adventurous, and unafraid. I'm supposed to be willing to try new things and take risks that I've never thought of doing. I'm supposed to love fearlessly, and smile often, and treasure life, and dream so big that it's scary. To some the solution is simple..."Then be that kind of person you're supposed to be." Right? It's that easy? I've just been living this way on purpose and depriving myself of success because I just wanted attention or I'm just too afraid to take action. I've just accepted the pain of depression as an everyday thing and that's my fault. It's my fault, it's my fault, it is my fault. My life can't be so awful that I feel this way almost everyday.
 
    I don't know what to do. I hear so many stories about yoga practices and meditation, and how it's relieved so many people of anxiety and stress. I've read articles about taking time for yourself and allowing yourself to have feelings of sadness, or learning to love yourself.
It's frustrating...I'm a burden to those around me.
There's so much in the world to be happy and grateful for, and I feel like the only one who's gasping for air.